Reignite the Spark: How to Escape the Roommate Phase in Your Relationship

We’ve all been there. You and your partner are getting along fine—maybe a little too fine. Suddenly, you’re not the couple who spends date nights gazing into each other’s eyes anymore; you’re the duo that debates whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher. The dreaded “roommate phase” of long-term relationships creeps in slowly as passion takes a backseat to practicality.

But here’s the good news: you don’t have to stay stuck there. Escaping the roommate phase doesn’t necessarily require grand romantic gestures or a week-long couples retreat (though we wouldn’t say no to either). Instead, it’s about making small, consistent efforts to nurture your relationship and remind yourselves why you’re more than just roommates.

Let’s dive into a few practical ways to reignite that spark, and keep things from feeling like a chore chart:

1. Make Time for Real Conversations: It's easy to let conversations with your partner revolve around logistics—who’s picking up groceries or handling bedtime. But deepening your connection means carving out time for real talks. A great way to carve out space for conversation is by taking a simple walk together; whether it’s a quick loop around the block or a longer stroll through your favorite park, walking together allows for uninterrupted conversation and a change of scenery. Without the distractions of screens or responsibilities, you’re free to talk about anything—from your day to future plans—and feel more connected.
2. Start A New Ritual: Creating small, intentional rituals helps break the monotony of daily life and gives you something to look forward to. According to a study in the Journal of Marriage and Family, trying new things together can boost oxytocin–the bonding hormone–and strengthen feelings of closeness.1 For instance, cooking a new recipe together once a week may seem simple, but it’s a surprisingly powerful way to connect. Trust us, nothing says romance like attempting to make homemade pasta and laughing at the flour explosion that inevitably follows.
3. Reminisce About Your Relationship: Revisiting the roots of your relationship can help rekindle the romance. In fact, research in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships shows that romantic nostalgia is linked to more positive relationship experiences and greater relationship satisfaction.2 So, try visiting the place where you first met, looking through old photos, or listening to “your” songs to relive special moments and tap into those shared memories.
4. Turn Daily Routines into Bonding Moments: Turning everyday routines into moments of intimacy is one of the easiest ways to escape the roommate phase. Instead of rushing through your morning routine solo, why not shower together? It might sound like something impractical that you only do during the honeymoon phase, but with Boona’s Tandem Shower, showering together has never been more enjoyable—no fighting for hot water or elbow space, just a relaxing, shared moment that makes a daily task feel like quality time.

Ultimately, escaping the roommate phase is about creating small opportunities for closeness throughout your daily life. Whether you’re cooking together, taking a walk, or enjoying a relaxing shower for two, the goal is to make intentional time for each other. It’s the little moments that bring you back to why you fell in love in the first place.

 

References
1. Melton, K. K., Larson, M., & Boccia, M. L. (2019). Examining couple recreation and oxytocin via the ecology of family experiences framework. Journal of Marriage and Family, 81(3), 771-782.
2. Evans, N. D., Juhl, J., Hepper, E. G., Wildschut, T., Sedikides, C., & Fetterman, A. K. (2022). Romantic nostalgia as a resource for healthy relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 39(7), 2181-2206.